


Purple and Grey

by marchofmay



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Post TLJ, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-19 03:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13114884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchofmay/pseuds/marchofmay
Summary: - ON HIATUS UNTIL 24/03/2018 -He had that look in his eyes. The one she had seen as she had boarded the Falcon. When he had been kneeling at the bottom of the gangway.Tears in his eyes.His eyes were clear now.[Post-TLJ. Rey and Kylo Ren experience more Force connections and build upon their relationship after what occurred between them.]





	1. Light

Rey had never felt more free. 

She could feel it in her veins like a second pulse as they stepped out of the Millennium Falcon and onto the hard packed sand of the planet they had landed on to resupply. 

“Rey.” Finn spoke from beside her, both of them having decided to head out together while Leia and Poe remained behind to strategize. 

After what had happened to the Resistance, all that they had lost, they had a lot to figure out now. Rey had told them about what had happened to Snoke, and she could only imagine that the First Order was in a similar state of disarray after losing their Supreme Leader. 

What had occurred between her and Ben she had saved for Leia alone. The General had taken the news well, but then again Leia was not one to share her emotions unless she really wished to.

“Rey, come on. We have to be back to the ship as quickly as possible.” He said, BB-8 rolling past him down the gangway.

She nodded, shouldering her pack as they walked down into the marketplace. Multi-coloured cloth provided shelter for those selling their wares. Rey was used to such an eclectic group, but Finn still stared as they passed by all sorts of individuals selling things he had never seen before.

Rey took his arm as he began to lag behind. “Don’t stare. You never know who you might attract attention from.” She warned, marching him through the crowded alleyway. 

Finn looked to her with wide eyes, “Right. Yeah. Of course.” He frowned and nodded, as though he had known already. 

Rey let go of his arm, stifling a laugh at her friend. She caught sight of a scrapper selling his wares and with a pat on Finn’s shoulder she directed them over to his table.

After a bit of bartering with the toad-like creature selling the parts, Rey packed the items she had needed away into her bag. She looked up to find Finn had wandered off. She turned, scanning the marketplace to find him and spotted him standing a few feet away, gazing down a smaller alleyway behind the row of stalls on the main street.

A kernel of panic settled in her stomach and she shouldered her way through the crowd of colourfully dressed aliens. She narrowly missed slamming into an Ishi Tib, the creature letting out a grunt of irritation before Rey was past it and almost to Finn’s side.

BB-8 was with him at least, so she wasn’t too worried. But he had begun to venture down the side alley and Rey was unsure what would be waiting for him there. It was not as though he was helpless, but he wasn’t used to such places and she needed to watch out for him as he did for her.

She started down the alleyway, following the familiar figure until she broke into a jog and caught up with him.

“Finn!” She hissed, the narrow alley much quieter than the market so she lowered her voice to match. “You can’t just go wandering off.” She muttered, her eyes scanning their surroundings.

“I’m fine. I have BB-8 with me.” He said, gesturing to the round droid who let out a beep from his side.

Rey rolled her eyes, “BB-8 isn’t exactly the best protector, Finn.”

The droid let out an indignant beep. Yes, I am. 

Rey didn’t even try to argue with him on that. It would get nowhere.

Finn sighed, “Look, we need to get fuel and I thought I saw a stall down there selling some.” He turned and pointed down the alley.

She followed his finger, her eyes drifting over the stall selling fuel to the one opposite it. That symbol in the front. She had seen it somewhere before.

“Okay. Let’s go.” She nodded, starting off down the alley ahead of them. These shops were not just stalls, she could see, but were rooms within the sand coloured buildings lining the alley.

Finn and BB-8 followed after her, coming to a stop outside the stall. Finn turned to her, even as Rey stared at the stall with that familiar symbol. “Let me handle this.” He said, mustering all of his bravado to face down the store owner and bargain for the fuel.

Rey felt comfortable leaving him to do so. For she had realised where she recognised that symbol. It was in the cavern in Ahch-To. That symbol within the little oasis of water. One side light, the other dark, two sides of one individual who sat meditating.

Her feet carried her into the store before she could think to go in. Whatever connections to the Jedi and the Force she could find would be a help now that she had lost her only teacher. Rey felt a wave of gratitude sweep over her. Luke had taught her much. But still, she had not had enough time with him.

She entered the empty store, noting the keeper in the back crouched over a book. The small grey woman did not look up when she entered and Rey didn’t mind that at all. She would like some privacy anyway.

The store was lined with shelves of eclectic items. Crystals and old, aged books. Sketches of Jedi, painting of lightsabers. A jar of sand, which confused Rey to no end as she slowly made her way around the store. 

A lightsaber. She needed one after what had happened with Ben.

She silently cursed herself. Where was she going to get a lightsaber from? She let out a sigh, picking up a pendant with the symbol from the oasis on the end of a silver chain. 

“That’s fake.”

Immediately, she knew whose voice that belonged to. And she could feel that strange fuzzy feeling in the back of her head. It was familiar to her now, after it had happened so many times between them.

She turned to see Ben, standing in the middle of the cluttered store and staring at her. She met his eyes, that heavy gaze still felt like it was boring into her soul. It scared her how well he could see her. How well he could know her.

“Ben.” She whispered.

He stared, then blinked and looked to the necklace in her hand. “That pendant. It’s fake. Sold by fanatics who claim it brings you power over the Force. It’s supposed to be for good luck.”

Rey looked to the pendant and set it down on the shelf. The alien script scrawled onto a card above the necklace did say exactly that. If only it were true. She would need all the good luck she could get if she had to face Kylo Ren everyday in a Force connection.

She looked back to him and was unsurprised to find him watching her. 

He had that look in his eyes. The one she had seen as she had boarded the Falcon. When he had been kneeling at the bottom of the gangway. 

Tears in his eyes.

His eyes were clear now. 

“I thought Snoke said that he did this.” She said.

Ben shrugged a shoulder, his eyes lingering on the bag at her shoulder. He was trying to get as much information about where she was as he could. But all he could see was her.

He wore his usual attire, his dark hair swept back from his head. He looked clean and put together. Not at all the mess he had been on Crait.

“He did say that. And it seems he was mistaken.” Ben replied, that soft voice now familiar to her. Rey didn’t know how to feel about that.

“You were meant to turn.” She said, taking a step towards him.

She watched him tense, his jaw clenching.

“Haven’t you given up yet, Rey?” He asked. A note of vulnerability entered his voice then. She watched him register his mistake, the expression on his face - carefully constructed - faltered for a moment. He had called her by her name. It was an intimacy that he did not want to play into, it seemed.

“I have.” She said. “I won’t waste my time with someone who isn’t going to change, Ben.”

She watched him swallow, his throat bobbing with the motion.

“I can’t be him.”

“Who?” She frowned, taking another step towards him.

“Ben Solo. He’s gone.”

“I don’t believe that.” She shook her head.

His eyes flickered to the ground. The only hint of resignation in his face. For that was what it was. 

“You won’t ever let go.” He looked to her, gaze sharp. “Will you?”

Rey opened her mouth to respond, but the sharp ring of a bell distracted her. She looked to the threshold of the shop and found Finn standing there, in his hand a small golden bell. She looked back to where Ben had been and found him gone. That fuzzy buzzing in the back of her head faded slowly as the connection broke.

“Rey? What’s this?” Finn asked her.

Rey shook her head, shaking the remnants of her conversation with Ben from her mind. “Come on. We should head back.” She left the store, Finn and BB-8 following behind her.

As they approached the Millennium Falcon, Rey lagged behind. That feeling of freedom that had been so strong before had been left behind in that store. Or perhaps it had been left behind wherever Ben was.

Rey had never felt more trapped. She wondered how trapped Ben Solo felt, wherever he was? 

So far from her and yet so close.


	2. Dark

Ben.

Kylo.

Ever since she had called him that, and refused to stop, he had been conflicted. He could feel it festering in his heart, tearing him in two stronger than it had been before.

Who was he?

A better question.

Who was _she_? To make him feel this way? To rip him apart the way she had?

Rey.

The girl. The scavenger. The last Jedi.

He couldn’t stand it. Being forced into this connection with her. If he could get away from her then maybe he could put himself together again and face her with strength instead of this weakness.

He could hear Snoke’s voice in his head. Calling him weak. Calling him a fool.

She could see it in him, too.

Ben sneered at himself where he sat on his cot. He had his head propped up on his fist, his elbow digging into his thigh. He stared at nothing, his thoughts consuming him.

She could see it in him, he was certain. That last connection between them, he could see the knowledge in her eyes. The understanding that he had light within him still. And that he still wanted what it was he had offered her. He still wanted _her_.

It made him angry. It made him furious. And it _embarrassed_ him. And that made him more angry, and more furious. At her. At himself. At everything and everyone.

He got up and began to pace, that familiar anger coursing through him and making him restless. Where was Hux - that snivelling traitor - when he needed to hit something?

 

He fell back into the safety of violence, of his rage. But with the knowledge that he was hiding from the truth of the matter, he felt his anger slip away as quickly as it had come.

The truth was that he did not know what he was doing.

He knew why he had done what he did. He had turned on Snoke because of what he had said, because of what he had wanted him to do to Rey.

He had asked Rey to join him because they were the same. She was like him. She was what he wanted to be. And she had believed in him.

And when she had refused. He had fallen back into what he had known. Into what he does best. Violence.

And rage.

Now he was Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

He would not lie, it gave him a thrill to hear it. And it would be easy, so easy, to take up the mantle and be Kylo Ren.

But he would not choose a path simply because it was easier. And to be a half-hearted Supreme Leader would not be fulfilling, he knew that.

He needed to rid himself of this conflict once and for all. How could he do it? Get rid of Rey, perhaps? If she were gone then who was left to sway him to the light? Who was left that held that power over him?

His father.

Ben stopped pacing. He stared at his bed, unmade and wrinkled from where he had lay. He forced that thought from his mind. He had thought on his father too often. And every time the thought of him entered his head, he found his chest tightening, something aching within him when he thought of what he had done.

It was better not to feel it. Not when more important things needed his attention.

His mother was gone, too. He had watched it happen.

Luke was gone. And although it did not hurt him as much as the knowledge of his parents’ death, he still felt too much when he thought of his uncle and master.

Rey was all that was left. The last Jedi. He would have to snuff her out.

But could he?

Did he have the strength to?

He felt his rage bubble to the surface again at the doubts within his mind, but before he could act on his anger he felt that tug against his ribs.

She was here.

“Will this happen everyday?”

Her voice. From the corner of the room.

And sure enough, when he turned there she stood. Her arms crossed over her chest, still wearing those filthy rags from when he had last seen her in person.

“How am I supposed to know?” He asked. He felt himself calm. He always felt calm when she was here. Not that she was here with him.

“You know more about this than I do. You trained with Luke longer than I did.” She said, uncrossing her arms.

Was she trying to anger him? Mentioning Luke?

He did not respond, but watched her as she ran her eyes over him. “Wishing you could see where I am?” He asked quietly.

She met his gaze then, a frown at her brow. Those bright eyes never failed to make him uneasy. Such passion within them, he could remember that fight on Starkiller Base. When she had been too strong for him to face.

“Aren’t you wishing the same?” Rey asked.

He nodded. “It would make it easier to find you.”

“So you can kill me?”

He nodded without hesitation, despite the conflict he felt rise within him at the thought of killing her.

Still, when he looked at her he felt that she could see through his charade.

“You asked me if I would ever let go.” She said, approaching him where he stood.

He was almost impressed with how much she had grown used to him. He towered over her. He had terrified her not long ago. And now she was voluntarily getting closer to him.

Perhaps it was because she was not actually here with him.

As she should be, he couldn’t help but think.

“I have let go.”

He looked down at her as she came to a stop directly before him. She had such resolve in her eyes, he almost believed her.

“Then why is this happening still? If you have let go of me?”

Rey frowned. “I don’t know. You said you don’t know about this connection either. How can you say it’s because I still want to help you?”

He blinked, and watched as she shifted awkwardly before crossing her arms. “I didn’t say I want to help you, I just meant-”

“I know what you meant.” He said. “I have no idea why this is happening.”

She nodded, that resolve returning to her gaze.

He felt the need to defend himself, so he spoke. “ _I_ have let go. Of you. Of Luke. Of my parents and of Snoke.”

“But you’re not free of it. The conflict you feel.”

He clenched his fists, his gloves tightening over his knuckles. “I will be when I am free of you the way I am free of them.”

Rey blinked in shock, and he almost felt regret for saying it aloud to her.

“When I am dead?” She raised a brow. Her disbelief left him unguarded for a moment.

She didn’t believe him?

It was enough for him to begin to doubt. For that small voice inside of him to begin asking questions.

“I don’t believe you, Ben.”

There was that name again. She added fuel to the fire within him with that one word. His head spun, that voice growing louder.

What was he doing? Who was he meant to be? Would her death end the conflict within him or would it be like his father? Could he bring himself to strike her down?

“I don’t even think you believe yourself.”

She was gone - the tug at his ribs indicating the end of their connection - even before the last syllable of that damning sentence had left her lips.


	3. Blue

It hadn’t been easy, but they had found a place. A connection of Admiral Holdo had reached out to them with funds, and an idea that had given them some hope. A planet with an abandoned Resistance base waiting for them to populate. 

 

It was where Rey was now, finally off of the Falcon and on land again. It meant she could get some privacy after the many days of flying in close quarters with what remained of the Resistance. 

 

Rose had been a refreshing change, and Rey often found herself gravitating towards the young woman who would chat at her and take her mind off of things. Although, admittedly, Rey often tuned out during these chats. 

 

Sometimes Rose surprised her with a clever insight, and Rey wondered what Rose would make of Ben if she told her about him and about their connection.

 

Unaccompanied, she trekked through the humid jungle of the planet they had landed on the day before. It was dense jungle and forest, with the remnants of the Resistance base being overrun with foliage and sweltering whenever you were inside, but it was at least something.

 

She had her staff in hand, her pack slung across her shoulder. It almost felt like how it had been on Jakku. Too hot for comfort, although here she felt it pressing in on her lungs instead of burning on her skin. But more than that, the solitude she felt, and the purpose, brought back memories of her life before all of this had begun.

 

Rey felt lost. Not as much as she had before. When she had known nothing of who she was or what she could do. It was a different sort of lost now. She had a goal, but no knowledge of how to achieve it. To be a Jedi, without proper training or a master. Without someone beside her who knew what it was like. Without a lightsaber! 

 

The texts she had stolen had not told her much. And they had been difficult to decipher. It was only with help from the others that she had been able to understand the words. After all, she hadn’t been taught to read properly.

 

She stumbled across a clearing between the tightly packed trees. Enough space to train for a while before returning to the base. Rey looked over the ground, deciding that it would be flat and firm enough to work on.

 

Setting her pack down on an upturned log, she spun her staff in hand and ran through a few of the moves she had yet to perfect. After a while of this, she sighed and let her staff fall to her side.

 

It wasn’t good enough. She needed a lightsaber.

 

Her eyes scanned the ground, finding what she was looking for just a few feet away at the base of a tree. She set her staff down by her pack and went to pick up the long branch. She broke off the twigs attached to it, till it resembled a lightsaber in shape. That was where the resemblance ended however.

 

She swung it wide in an arc, remembering the last time she had wielded a lightsaber. Ben had been with her then. And how grateful she was that he had been. She wouldn’t have been able to get out of there alive if he hadn’t been there.

 

Then again, he probably wouldn’t have gotten out alive if she hadn’t been there with him either.

 

Ben.

 

She couldn’t stop dwelling on him. Although she had promised herself to forget about him and to move on. She couldn’t stop how he leapt to her mind and took over her thoughts. And perhaps it was because he was always nearby. Just a Force connection away.

 

Rey shook her head. There she was doing it again. Thinking about him.

 

She practiced with the branch, the weight throwing her off, but she pushed through. And all the while she thought of Ben.

 

Was she going to keep trying to get through to him? She had been civil with him each time they had been connected since what had happened on the Supremacy and then Crait. 

 

Would she continue to be civil? Eventually she would face him again? And what would she do then? He had said he would kill her. It may even be his mission to find her again just so he can be rid of her. But Rey could not see him carrying through with the act.

 

Then again, he had murdered his own father. He was capable of real evil, and could do the same to her.

 

Rey stopped swinging the branch, panting from the effort. She stood alone in the jungle, skin glistening with sweat when she felt the world go fuzzy.

 

She let out a groan of frustration. Perhaps just thinking about him for too long summoned him to her.

 

She turned to voice her frustration, but was silenced by the sight before her.

 

He sat on the log just by her pack, his head in his hands. He wore a black tunic, casual clothing that Rey could only assume he wore in his down time or perhaps to sleep. 

 

She had caught him at a bad time.

 

He looked up at her slowly, already knowing she was there. His face was pale, sweat beaded at his temples as he slowly looked her over. He was breathing just as heavily as she was, and yet he was not dressed for training. He looked tired.

 

“Ben?” She frowned, approaching him where he sat.

 

He lowered his head into his hands, ignoring her.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Silence.

 

Rey neared him, huffing out a sigh of irritation when he continued to ignore her. She reached out a hand, “Ben.” She spoke again, firmer this time, as her hand came to rest on his shoulder.

 

They both froze.

 

She had surprised herself with her own action. They had touched before, but it had been heavy with meaning and tentative. This was natural. And that scared her.

 

Rey felt his shoulder relax beneath her hand, and she left it where it was for a moment longer, encouraged by his acceptance of her touch, before she took her hand away.

 

It was then that he looked up at her. His eyes were wild and that was enough to frighten her. He was always so controlled whenever he was around her. She knew of his temper, of course, but she had never experienced it outside of the context of war.

 

He blinked at her, as if he wasn’t seeing her properly. “You’re sweaty.” He murmured and slowly stood up. Rey forced herself to remain where she was, until she was looking up at him, standing close enough to reach out and put her arm around him.

 

“Have you been training?” He asked.

 

Rey nodded. “You’re sweaty, too. But you haven’t been training.” She gestured to his clothing and he caught sight of the branch still in her other hand.

 

“Why?” She asked as she dropped the branch so he could no longer see it.

 

He looked at her knowingly. “I could tell you where to get a lightsaber.”

 

“Don’t avoid the question, Ben.”

 

He stared at her. Rey began to wonder if he stared at her in order to keep his anger in check so he did not frighten her away. Surely when she called him that name he would be angry about it and yet he had not shown it at all.

 

“You aren’t on that ship anymore.” He murmured, his eyes roaming over her form, stopping at her feet.

 

Rey glanced down at her feet and inwardly cursed herself. There was mud staining the hem of her pants, leaves on the bottom of her shoes. 

 

“I could come visit you, Rey. Not like this, but in person. If you told me where you were.” He said. There was a note of exhaustion in his voice, and the blatant prodding for information was indicative of how strange he was acting. Something must have happened.

 

Rey ignored his barely concealed threat and spoke firmly, “What happened, Ben?” A frown creased her brow as she looked up at him. 

 

He frowned, his hands - bare and pale without his usual gloves - clenched into fists. “I saw him.” He said.

 

Rey felt the confusion bubbling up within her. She opened her mouth to voice it, but stopped when Ben turned and paced away from her. He was tense again, she could see it in his broad back and the way he kept his head lowered. “Snoke. I saw him.”

 

She blinked in shock. How was that possible? “But he’s dead.”

 

“The Force…” He turned back to face her, his fists still clenched. “Sometimes when those who are strong with the Force die, they can return through the Force. And they can speak. And they can use the Force to influence the world around them.” He spoke blankly, without emotion.

 

Rey frowned, “So Luke could come back?” She asked.

 

He shot her a look, and that wildness returned to his eyes and made her uneasy.

 

“What did Snoke say?” She asked quietly.

 

The fuzzy feeling grew stronger, but Rey was not ready to let go of the bond just yet. She wanted answers. And a desperate part of her wanted to see Ben like this. Vulnerable.

 

She approached Ben, meeting his eyes. “Ben. What did he do?”

 

He watched her, even as the connection faded. Rey took a step back from where he had been, now just empty air.

 

Whatever uncertainty she had had before seemed to melt away. Ben would not kill her. How could he hate her that way when he had so readily accepted her touch? When he had told her what had shaken him?

 

And how could Rey bring herself to kill him? When she was certain he could redeem himself? 

 

When she had seen a flash of fear shine in his eyes before the connection had broken?

 

It was enough. For now.

 

Rey shouldered her pack and picked up her staff, starting the trek back through the jungle to the Resistance base. 

 

All the while she thought of Ben. And never once did she try to stop herself.


	4. Red

“Supreme Leader.” Hux’s drawl sounded in Kylo’s ear and caught his attention. He was on the bridge, staring out across the vast, empty space before him, protected by the strong glass that he could see his reflection in.

 

“What?” Kylo snapped. He watched his mouth move in his reflection, and turned away from it to look at his second-in-command. 

 

The shorter man hunched his shoulders, making him even shorter, but giving him an unlikeable air. More so than his permanent frown did, that is.

 

“We’ve searched the planet. There is no sign of the remaining Resistance.” He said.

 

Kylo’s fists clenched, gloves tightening over his knuckles. “Then we shall try again elsewhere.”

 

“With respect,” Hux began. 

 

Kylo shot him a look and the man quickly went on. 

 

“Supreme Leader, I am uncertain as to why we are searching for the Rebels on Lahn.”

 

“Because I told you to.”

 

Kylo could almost hear the control Hux was exerting to keep his cool. It amused him to make the General angry. And it gave him such satisfaction to hear him call him ‘Supreme Leader’. Hux had always been at odds with him, always looking to compete with him when it came to pleasing Snoke. He had been a thorn in Kylo’s side, but no longer.

 

“Yes.” Hux spoke through his teeth. “But why there? What intelligence do you have? Whatever it is should have been shared with me.” He said.

 

Kylo felt his hand drift to his lightsaber. He didn’t need it to frighten Hux. But he decided not to. 

 

“I have been in connection with the girl. Rey. Luke Skywalker’s newest trainee.” Kylo spoke, turning back to the glass and away from Hux. “I know she is with the Rebels and managed to gain information from her that indicated they were based on a jungle planet with a humid climate.”

 

“Ah.” Hux said with uncertainty. He did not know about the Force and could not understand how Kylo was connected with the Rebel girl. But Kylo didn’t need to explain it to him.

 

“I will attempt to connect with her again and gather more information.” Kylo said.

 

Hux nodded and bowed shallowly as he turned on his heel and left the bridge.

 

That would be the hard part. He was sure that she would not give away too many clues, not after last time.

 

He strode through the glossy black hallways, his footfalls echoing around him as he walked to his chambers.

 

The door slid shut behind him once he was inside and he could finally relax a little. 

 

They needed a mission. The ship needed a destination.

 

He strode over to his table, a simple steel item of furniture, that was strewn with maps and notes on the jungle planets he knew of. He looked over the list he had compiled. There were too many options, he needed to narrow it down.

 

If only he could force the connection.

 

His hand froze over a map of Lahn. 

 

Perhaps he could?

 

He had never tried before. Perhaps he could call upon her at will. Surely it would only take a manipulation of the Force. Something she did not have the knowledge to prevent.

 

He kept his feet shoulder-width apart, a strong rooting as he reached out with his mind to find the Force around him.

 

It had always been so easy to find. He could remember how naturally it had come to him. Like greeting an old friend that was always there. A constant presence at his side. It did not betray him. It would not.

 

He recalled the feeling he would get in his navel. The tug that indicated her presence. He reached there, trying to find some remnants of the connection, but it was like grasping at nothing. He could feel it there, an invisible thread that tied them together, but like water it slid through his fingertips each time he tried to grab it.

 

He let out a grunt of frustration, returning to himself when it became obvious it was no use.

 

He would have to wait for it to happen naturally.

 

Kylo moved to the table to sit down. He ran a hand through his hair, looking over the maps. Perhaps he had overlooked something in his enthusiasm to find the Rebels? Something that could make this list shorter.

 

He scanned the list, pulling up a hologram of a map of the galaxy. He frowned. Obviously.

 

Immediately, he started working, pinpointing the Rebels position from where they had left Crait. They had been travelling for a week or so. Therefore, the planets they could have reached were limited. 

 

And they wouldn’t make base somewhere unless they knew of a settlement there they could use already.

 

Kylo pulled up the database on the hologram and began to read, noting down the old Rebel bases on a jungle planet.

 

He worked until he had narrowed down the list even further. Then he stood, stretched and strode to his bed to meditate.

 

He sat on the bed, cross-legged and eyes closed, but after a while he could feel sleep tugging at him, forcing him to lie back and rest. 

 

Kylo woke with a jolt, the automatic lights of his chambers were off, but turned on when he sat up in bed suddenly. The light blinded him for a moment, and he raised a hand to rub his eyes.

 

He had felt it. A tug in his belly that meant she was here.

 

“Sorry to wake you.” Rey said.

 

Her voice was so familiar, it made his jaw clench, a reminder of how she had rejected him. He looked at her then, his eyes taking in every detail.

 

Her hair was up, strands sticking to her neck. She wore thin clothing, similar in style to what she usually wore, but definitely thinner. Mud on her shoes.

 

Kylo paused, his eyes focused on her feet. He slowly raised his eyes to hers. She looked down at her feet, then blinked in horror and shifted her leg to rid her shoe of the bright yellow mud. He watched her shake her leg to remove the evidence, but it was too late and even she knew it.

 

“Babali.” He murmured. “An interesting hideout for your band of Rebels.”

 

Rey looked to him with wide eyes. She started forward. “How-”

 

“After rain, the soil turns a bright yellow. People feared it was toxic. But it wasn’t.” He said. “I read about it.”

 

She paused in the middle of his chambers, fear passing over her features like a ripple over water. He felt her fear as though it were his own.

 

The Rebels were so weak, easy to crush the way they were now. She knew it, and she feared for her friends.

 

“Do you fear for yourself?” He asked.

 

Rey frowned, meeting his eyes. “No. You will not hurt me.”

 

Kylo swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, the cold floor biting against his bare feet. “I won’t?”

 

She straightened, her resolve - so easy for her to find as it always was - shone in her eyes and in her strong stance. “You won’t. You can’t.”

 

He almost laughed at her certainty. How could she be so certain? When even he did not know what he might do if he caught her. 

 

“You should get off the planet now. Before I arrive.”

 

“No. I won’t abandon my friends.”

 

He tilted his head, “You will warn them, won’t you? It doesn’t matter, Rey. I will be there before you can leave.”

 

“You underestimate us.”

 

Kylo stepped towards her slowly, careful as he always was with her. “You cannot get far. I will hunt you across the galaxy, Rey.” Her name slipped from his lips too easily.

 

“You could always choose not to.” She said. 

 

Did she still hope she could turn him?

 

“But even if you come. We will never stop fighting you. General Leia is with us, and she’ll never stop fighting the First Order.”

 

_ General Leia is with us. _

 

He could hear nothing else after that. His mother was alive.

 

White noise filled his ears, and he did not care how shaken he must look. He knew he must because he could see Rey’s face change. A hint of concern in her expression.

 

It would have upset him to look weak in front of her, but it didn’t matter anymore. She had seen him after Snoke had come to him, whispering his weakness in his ear as he had when he was alive. 

 

And it didn’t matter whether she saw him this way, because his mother was alive.

 

He stood still, focusing on his breathing. How could the news shake him this way? How could he allow her such control over him?

 

Kylo regained his composure, facing Rey. Impulse had never been his vice, but it was Rey’s. He blamed her for the impulsiveness of what he said next. 

 

“I will come alone.”

 

She blinked in surprise and he watched her regain herself. “As a threat?”

 

He thought it over. He should say ‘yes’. But was he coming as a threat? Could he bring himself to harm his mother? Or Rey?

 

He had failed before. When they had attacked her ship. What made this time any different?

 

But he could do it. He had done it to his father.

 

Before he could settle on an answer, the tugging sensation returned.

 

He looked up from his feet to find her gone. But he still felt her presence within the questions that swirled around his mind.


	5. Untamed

  
Rey strapped her laser to her hip, her mind reeling. He was coming. She had informed Leia immediately, and she had sent Finn, Poe and Rose out on a mission to gather support from their allies. They had left in a spare craft found on the base here, and Poe had fixed it up well.

Rey had said goodbye to her friends not long ago, but now she would face Kylo Ren. Or perhaps it will be Ben Solo she would see today?

Leia waited by the Falcon, the rest of the Resistance inside and ready to leave this planet behind should Ben come as a threat. But Rey would go to meet him. She would disarm him, and she was the only one who had fought him single-handedly before. Twice before.

Except this time she didn’t have a lightsaber. But she did have her powers. She had her staff with her, and a laser. And she had the Falcon to back her up.

She hoped it would be enough.

Rey set off from the base, waiting by the edge. She knew he would come here to find them.

Still, she had her doubts about this plan of theirs. It seemed foolish to give him another chance after all he had done. But Leia had insisted that if there was a chance that Ben was coming here to speak with her, she wanted to be here when he came. She was still his mother. And Rey hoped with all her heart that she wasn’t making the same mistake as Han Solo did.

The air was so thick with moisture, the humidity making her break a sweat even as she stood still. But her nerves made her shift from foot to foot. She had seen Ben after their fight on the Supremacy, but not in person. Or rather, not with him really here with her.

She had been thinking about all that had happened between them. Perhaps she had been too impulsive. It was a weakness of hers that she was aware of, but maybe this time she had pushed him. Perhaps it was her impulsiveness that had forced him to kill Snoke when he was not yet ready. And then she had assumed that he would help her afterwards, without a thought as to how he must have been struggling.

No wonder things had happened the way they had. He hadn’t been ready. And when she had panicked and reached for the lightsaber, and he had done the same, she had all but forced him to remain in the place he was most comfortable. To become Supreme Leader and resist the call to the light that was still within him.

But Rey did not blame herself. He was to blame for it all. And therefore she would not continue to help him. She could not.

She heard the crunch of leaves and foliage beneath his boots before she saw him. He emerged from the trees, a dark figure, except for his pale face and his hands. He wasn’t wearing his gloves, she noticed. The memory of their hands, touching just barely, came to her mind unbidden.

She hoped he couldn’t see the distraction in her eyes when he approached her.

“Stay there!” She yelled when he got close enough for her to see the freckles on his face. “Don’t come any closer.” She took out her laser and aimed it at him.

He stopped walking, standing with his hands limp at his sides. It didn’t fool her. She knew how dangerous he could be.

“Are you going to shoot me again?” He asked, his voice still that familiar soft tone that she could almost feel rumble through the ground to reach her.

Again?

She remembered then that first Force connection between them when she had shot him on instinct.

She ignored him. “Hold out your saber. Flat in your hand.” She ordered, her hand still on her gun.

He slowly drew his lightsaber, holding it out to her flat in his palm. She shot out a hand and it flew to her, she caught it in her palm.

“Are you armed with anything else?” She asked.

Ben shook his head. “No.”

She reached out with the Force and searched his mind, surprised to find him with his defences lowered for her. She saw he was telling the truth.

“Leia is waiting for you.”

At his mother’s name he tensed almost imperceptibly, but Rey could see it. She saw his fists clench, a telltale sign that he was disturbed by something.

“You walk ahead of me. I’ll guide you.” She ordered, the laser still aimed at him. She tucked his lightsaber into the holster at her hip.

“Walk that way.” She nodded with her head in the direction where the Falcon waited.

Ben started to walk that way and Rey followed him, both of their footsteps crunching over dead leaves as they followed the tree line.

When he spoke, his voice broke the quiet suddenly enough to make Rey jump. “This is different, isn’t it?” He asked.

She frowned, “What is?”

“Meeting in person. It’s different from the connections.” He did not look back at her as he spoke, but she knew that he was aware of her every movement, just as she was aware of his.

“Yes.” She agreed. It was hard to describe. But it was almost as though they were old friends meeting after a long time. And the connections were like letters sent between them. It held that importance, that weight, despite them being anything but friends.

They weren’t friends. Not the way she was friends with Finn and Poe and Rose. Even when she had gone to him on the Supremacy. Even when they had touched hands. Friendship was never what it had felt like.

“Have you thought about what may happen if the connections continue?”

Rey blinked at his back, watching him turn his head slightly to indicate he awaited her answer.

“Turn left.” She murmured distractedly, focusing on his question.

She had thought about it. And she hadn’t figured out how she felt about it. Having them end would make things easier for her. She wouldn’t have to see him all the time, she wouldn’t have to know how he was, or what was happening to him. How Snoke haunted him. How he was vulnerable.

But if they ended, she wouldn’t know _him_. And that wasn’t right. She had seen how they could be together, how they could be allies. And she would be lying if she said she didn’t want that.

“Rey?” He asked.

She looked up at him, finding his eyes on her. He stopped walking to turn to face her, but she raised her laser. “Keep going. We’re almost there.”

They kept going until they reached the clearing where the Millennium Falcon waited, Leia standing by the entrance, flanked by two Resistance officers.

Rey could almost feel Ben’s struggle from where she stood behind him. She didn’t need to see his face to know how the sight of his mother both terrified and comforted him.

Leia didn’t say anything. And perhaps it was wise. What name could she call her son? If she called him Ben he may get angry. If she called him Kylo Ren then she would be distancing herself from him. And Leia was a diplomat, she knew these things.

“Mother.” He spoke.

It surprised Rey, but Leia showed no acknowledgement for a moment. “I hope you haven’t come as a distraction.” She said. “You understand why I have to think of these things.”

He nodded, stepping a bit closer to his mother. Rey kept her laser at his back.

“I haven’t.” He said. “I’ve come to talk.”

“Why?” Leia asked.

“I’m hoping it will help me understand,” He paused, “What it is I should do next.”

“Have you come here as my son?” Leia asked, a note of emotion entering her voice. She looked tired, her eyes sad as she took in her child. “Or as Supreme Leader?”

There was a moment of silence where only the slight breeze could be heard in the clearing.

“Your son.” He spoke quietly. It sounded almost reluctant. Like it was difficult for him to get out.

Rey wondered how long it had been since he had accepted that part of him. Years of denial about where he had come from, who his parents were and who he was. She felt a kernel of hope spark inside her, and immediately snuffed it out. He was a manipulator. She had seen him do it to Han.

“Whatever your confliction is,” Leia said, “it is your decision to make.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is, Ben.” She said.

Rey could hear the tears in his voice, how seeing his mother had shaken him.

“You will always be my son.” Leia spoke, almost too quiet for Rey to hear. “You will always have a place with me.”

He stood still, statuesque, then a slight nod of understanding.

He turned on his heel and left, walking past Rey without a care for the laser she aimed his way. Rey glanced at Leia, the General gesturing for her to follow him.

She took off after Ben. “Wait!” She called out.

He didn’t stop, but kept marching on back towards his ship.

It occurred to Rey that this could be a trap. But somehow she didn’t feel like it was. She caught up to him, almost reaching out to grab his arm before she remembered who he was.

They walked side by side back to his craft, the large black mass stretching up into the sky.

Rey paused and he did the same. She took out his lightsaber. “Here.” She offered it to him, holding it out in her palm.

Ben looked at her for a moment then slowly lowered his gaze to the weapon between them.

Rey couldn’t help but think about how they had split Luke’s lightsaber in two. What would happen this time? With Kylo Ren’s weapon between them?

He looked at her and lifted a hand. His fingers touched hers, and Rey held his gaze as he slowly curled her fingers over the lightsaber hilt.

She frowned in confusion, opening her mouth to voice it when he interrupted her.

“Keep it. Do what you want with it. I-” He stopped himself, his struggle evident.

“Tell my mother that I am sorry.” He said. When he looked at her then, she could see the tears building. She could only come to the conclusion that he felt more comfortable revealing this side of himself to her than to his own mother. It was a terrifying realisation.

He couldn’t tell his own mother that he was sorry for hurting her. But Rey could do this much for him. It was a good sign. She felt that kernel of hope inside her grow a little larger.

Ben looked to her, “I wouldn’t use that lightsaber if I were you.” He said, nodding to the weapon still gripped in her hand.

Rey raised a brow in question and was shocked at the slight pull of a smile at his lips. It was sad, and timid, but it was there.

“It doesn't suit you.” He said softly.

Was that a joke?

Rey stood still, watching as he turned on his heel, a mess of emotion that she could feel in the air as he boarded his ship.

Still, she could sense a little more resolve in him. A little more understanding. A little more of a conclusion to his struggle.

She looked down at the lightsaber in her hand.

 _Yes_.

She could allow herself to hope.


	6. Power

Hux had noticed the absence of his lightsaber. Ben was certain of it.

 

He was on guard, but not afraid. It wasn’t as though Hux posed a threat by himself. And he had yet to stage a coup against him. As though any of the First Order would have the courage to turn against him.

 

Kylo Ren was feared for a reason.

 

But he wasn’t Kylo Ren anymore.

 

Kylo Ren would never have killed Snoke, and helped Rey. He would never have spared his mother’s life. He would never have met with the General of the Resistance and let her live. Or fail to report the location of the last Rebel base.

 

He would never have given up his lightsaber to some scavenger turned Jedi.

 

But seeing his mother had solidified his decision, and ridding himself of the weapon of Kylo Ren by handing it to Rey had seemed far easier than getting rid of it himself.

 

It had been easy to close her hand over the hilt and let her take it. He didn’t need it. It was nothing to him.

 

It hadn’t been the first step he had taken towards the light, after all. It had been inevitable.

 

And yet, he didn’t think a Jedi was what he was becoming. And perhaps that was a good thing.

 

Ben held his head in his hands, sitting on the edge of his bed. He felt her presence before he looked up to see her standing there.

 

They looked at one another for a moment and he spoke first, surprising even himself.

 

“What did you do with it?” He asked. He finds he doesn’t truly care about the answer. He just wants to hear her speak. Wants her to be comfortable.

 

Rey offers him the smallest of smiles, and it is enough for that weight of loneliness to ease slightly from his chest.

 

“I’ve put it away. I’m sure you’d be able to find it if you wanted to.” She said.

 

Ben shook his head. “I don’t want to.”

 

Rey smiled a little wider. “Will you come find us again?” She asked. “Leia wants to see you.” She said.

 

“My mother will be the easiest to convince. I don’t think I’d be welcome by her side. By your friends.” Ben murmured and stood up to approach Rey.

 

She tensed, but something was different about it this time. Ben noticed how bright her eyes were, how welcoming she looked.

 

“You’re her son. It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks.”

 

He nodded, “It matters what you think.”

 

“Why?” She asked quickly, her impulsive nature shining through. Ben didn’t mind it. He overthought almost everything, and she was the opposite. It was almost refreshing.

 

“Because I-” He paused, slipping back into how things used to be. Would it be too much to reveal this to her? After she had rejected his offer? Had reached for Luke’s lightsaber to strike him down even after they had fought side by side?

 

And yet, he found that he had finally let something go. For he could let that go easily. Rey - he understood. And she could understand him. It was why she had come to his side on the Supremacy in the first place, and had had to face Snoke because of him.

 

“Because I care.” Ben murmured. He pushed aside his slight discomfort with the admittance. And he threw himself into the sight of her widening eyes, and parting lips. Her surprise, and then obvious pleasure, at his words. Then she smiled and it was wide and warm.

 

It felt good to get a reaction like that. He could feel an answering smile come to his lips.

 

Ben had never been more clear-minded. He watched as she reached for his hand, ungloved and bare. When he felt her skin on his, it was like an ocean had opened up in his mind. He was floating, aware of the depths beneath him like it was an itch at his spine, but unafraid of the unknowns below.

 

There was so much more to uncover and he could do it with her by his side. They were alike, Rey and him, and the more time he spent with her, the more his loneliness fell away into that abyss below and something brighter rose to take its place.

 

Light or dark was a lie. There was no choice to make. There could be balance within him, like there was in all things the Force touched. And he and Rey could teach one another.

 

He looked to their joined hands, different from the last time they had touched, for she gripped his hand now as though they had made a deal and were shaking upon it.

 

Ben realised then what she had brought him. It was hope.

 

The shot rang out before he could register the pain at his shoulder. A laser blast.

 

A flash of horror on Rey’s face, then the connection was gone. Ben grunted in pain, whirling around to find a stormtrooper at his open door. He snarled his rage. How hadn’t he heard the door open?

 

Behind the stormtrooper stood a squadron of others. It seemed he had underestimated Hux’s ambition. He should have killed the General when he had had the chance.

 

Another blast shot towards him, but he used the Force to stop it. He summoned his rage from that limitless well of it inside of him, somewhere from that dark place that Snoke had cracked open within him.

 

He rounded on the mutineers, knocking them back like ragdolls. He cleared a path, bodies flying back against the walls as he ran from his room into the black corridor outside.

 

He needed to get off the ship.

 

He could hear more of them coming down the hall, so he lifted a hand and a blaster flew into his open palm. Now he was armed. Still, he wished for his lightsaber at this moment. Anything was better than a blaster.

 

He rounded the corner just as they did, a laser shot into the wall where he had just been. Ben sprinted down the corridor, the map of the ship in his mind. The escape pods? No.

 

His ship? Too recognisable.

 

Perhaps a simple TIE fighter would do.

 

The hangar would be easy to get out of, but to get into it unseen would be difficult. The echoing sound of boots on metal followed him down the corridors as he ran. What was he thinking? He wasn’t going to be unseen anyway. He was being chased by an army of stormtroopers, he was going to have to fight his way out regardless.

 

The entrance to the hangar loomed in front of him, but he didn’t himself feel even the slightest amount of relief. The bright light of the hangar bay left everything out in the open.

 

Ben slowed for a moment by the doorway, looking around the corner to find the nearest TIE fighter and to survey the threat.

 

A squadron of stormtroopers were parked by his ship. Ben cursed under his breath. They would close the hangar doors soon enough and he’d be trapped.

 

It was this thought that kicked him into motion. He cleared his mind, struggling to block out the drumming of the troopers boots as they followed after him. He reached out for the Force and found it waiting to greet him.

 

With a shove, his ship, black and gleaming and so unlike all the others, slid with a shriek across the floor and slammed into the squadron guarding it.

 

Ben sprinted across the hangar, reaching the TIE fighter unnoticed in the chaos he had caused. It would not last.

 

“There!” A voice called, so familiar that it made his skin crawl. Hux stood a level above the hangar, pointing straight at him over the balcony railing. Ben looked behind him as a laser shot past into the floor, barely missing his boot. The troopers from before had reached the hangar bay, and they were not distracted.

 

Ben leaped into the cockpit of the TIE fighter, sending out a Force shield of sorts to protect him from the lasers being shot haphazardly in his direction. He blocked out Hux’s screeching orders to get him as he powered up the fighter.

 

He was focused as he booted up the ship, shooting across the hanger bay at the troopers that threatened to swarm him.

 

A deep grinding sound that echoed across the bay made him freeze. It lasted a moment, then the sound of lasers filled the air as they had before. But Ben quickened his pace. He knew that deep, echoing sound was the sound of the hangar doors closing.

 

He didn’t have time. The TIE fighter roared into action, lifting off of the ground and shooting for the exit. Shots rang out against the ship’s exterior, an alarm sounded within the ship as one laser hit the TIE fighter and threatened to send him spinning out of control.

 

Ben could see the doors closing, watching the two steel doors sliding shut in front of him.

 

He reached out again, into that endless well of power. It wouldn’t take long, it wouldn’t exhaust him.

 

He reached out with the Force, keeping the doors apart long enough for his fighter to shoot out of them. With a gasp of air he let go of the hangar doors and they shut with a guttural bang.

 

He leaned back against the seat, piloting the TIE fighter as quickly as he could away from the main ship until he was out of range.

 

With a deep breath, he regained his composure.

 

Where would he go now?

 

Not far in this TIE fighter. And he had been hit before had had made his escape, his fuel was decreasing rapidly as he could see on the monitor in front of him. He would need to get someplace quickly, and use the remaining power to contact help.

 

Rey would help. And if he were to lose power before being able to contact her, he could wait until their Force connection led her to him.

 

He directed the fighter to the nearest planet with which he was familiar. He would have to be quick, Hux would be after him once the chaos had ceased.

 

Hux was a fool. He would pay for this betrayal. Ben eased the anger in him at the thought of the General’s mutiny. He calmed himself enough to direct the ship to the nearby planet, and to manage the craft as he broke through atmosphere to land on the surface.

 

As he set the fighter down all he could see was the orange rock of the planet, reaching out into the horizon and framed by triple moons in the sky, each a different size and intensity.

 

The TIE fighter settled on a rocky outcrop overlooking a canyon. As far as he could see, he was far from any sort of civilisation. That was for the best. He did not think he could handle a confrontation with any local life forms at the moment.

 

He ignored the ache in his shoulder, the injury sapping his strength quicker than he would like. He punched coordinates into the communication system and an error signal filled the screen, flashing red and beeping obnoxiously. With a snarl, Ben stabbed at the right buttons, attempting to siphon power from the craft to power the signal, but the fighter had been hit too badly.

 

He sat back in the seat, staring out across the orange canyons of rocks. Steadily, he felt his eyes close, sliding shut till he found himself in darkness.

 

He remained this way for a while, feeling the throb of his shoulder slowly come into sharper focus until he had to distract himself from the pain with other thoughts.

 

Ben thought of his dilemma. He couldn’t remain here waiting until the connection formed naturally. He needed to take action somehow.

 

Begrudgingly, Ben slid out of the seat, opening up the gangway of the fighter in order to get out. He needed air and space for what he was going to attempt.

 

Last time it hadn’t worked, but Ben had to try again in order to ease his mind. And for some strange reason he had a feeling that perhaps something different may happen this time.

 

He strode down the gangway onto the hard rock of the planet, barely taking in the sight from out here as he clutched his shoulder and walked to the edge of the cliff, looking into the canyon below.

 

He closed his eyes - for a moment imagined the fall into the canyon, how it would break him, how it would free him - then he reached out with the Force. He felt the life of the planet beneath his feet, felt the dark too. But more importantly, he felt her.

 

A spark of hope brought a small smile to his lips as he reached out to her, the shape of her clear in his mind like he was looking into a lake and saw her looking back.

 

When he made contact, his eyes opened and he turned around. Before he saw her, he knew it had worked. Something had changed within him, enabling him to connect with Rey by choice. As his eyes found her, the orange rock around him began to blend away into a small bunker room made of grey metal. He was where she was now, the cool metal keeping at bay the heat of Babila outside.

 

She looked to him in surprise, registering his injury, then his surroundings. Rey stood up and moved to him, the confidence and certainty of the decision shocking him, and causing a small kernel of nerves to blossom in his stomach. He shoved it aside and focused.

 

“You’re hurt. What happened? All I saw you getting hurt,” Her brown eyes moved to his shoulder, “and then you were gone.”

 

Before he could respond, she went on, working herself into a frenzy. He realised that she must have been worried about him, hence the overwhelming emotion now that she saw he was okay.

 

“This feels different. What have you done?” She asked.

 

“I forged this connection myself. It was not natural.” Ben spoke slowly, fighting to remain on his feet. His wound was taking its toll. He almost cursed aloud, losing inhibitions as he focused on remaining as composed as he could be.

 

“There was a mutiny. I’ve been shot. I need…” He hesitated, eyes flicking up to meet hers. He watched as she registered what he meant without him having to say it.

 

“You need help.” Rey said. She nodded immediately, “Tell me where you are. Quickly.” She was already moving, grabbing her staff, then her blaster.

 

Ben relayed to her the coordinates for the planet he was on, watching her as she strapped her blaster to her belt.

 

“Ben.” She looked to him, coming to stand in front of him before she had to leave and break the connection. “I’ll be there soon. Go to the fighter, keep yourself armed and try to stay conscious. I’ll be there soon.” She said.

 

He nodded, focusing on her eyes, on her face, in order to remain upright.

 

For a brief moment, she gripped his hand, her eyes determined before she turned and left the room through a rectangular door.

 

Ben blinked, slow and with a deep breath accompanying it, and when he opened his eyes he was back in the garish orange landscape, the three moons in the sky seeming to fade in and out of sight. He shook himself, marching back to the fighter.

 

He sank into the pilot’s seat, blaster in hand and his finger on the trigger. Wearily, he watched the horizon, but even for him remaining conscious was too much.

 

Ben passed out to the sight of his father’s ship on the horizon.

 


End file.
